Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
