So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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