Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
