She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
