If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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