Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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