Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
