we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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