Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
