just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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