ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
