Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
