i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize