To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
