Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
