im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
