We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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