I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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