rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
