I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize