but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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