We're like a lot better than the average bears
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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