Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
