I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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