Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
