why didn't you poke me back
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
