Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
