i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
