dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
