This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
