you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
