Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
