not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
