We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
