I'm lost and stupid without you.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dick very happy bro
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
