hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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