found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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