1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
