My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
