My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
