So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
