Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
