The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
