The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
