Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just want to make out with him forever
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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