You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
