ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
