After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just found puke in my bra..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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