Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
