the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
