I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
