Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
