Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
