Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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