I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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