you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
