Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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