How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
