That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
