so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
