Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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