i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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