dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
