barbara walters just said penis...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
