I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize