so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
this will be a night to untag.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
