hotel room ftw
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
