Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
