I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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