Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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