I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
