i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
