Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
