Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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