you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Damn victory sex feels great
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
